Never try to Control, or Persuade Someone of Your Value - Go Live YOUR Life

If you're ambitious and driven and you don't like quitting at the beginning, people will start to see your very existence, opinions/thoughts and goals as a threat to how they choose to live their lives.

There comes a time in your life where you have to face the fact that not every person will be there for you.

You will have people telling you that you're the problem.

You're too loud.

You have rigid opinions.

You're too much. But here's what most of them really mean:

Your expectations are too high.

Your goals too vastly different.

You're not a supporting character - you're demanding the lead role.

You won't accept less, and I was hoping to give less.

And it crushed you the first time you faced this head on.

I'm here to remind you - never try to control, or persuade someone of your value - go live YOUR life.

The first person to pull away from you likely realized that you were going somewhere they couldn't go.

The first rejection sucks. But it's not the hardest. The hardest one is the last one before you fully hit the

Mute button.

When you hit the mute button it's because your mouth, mind, and personality feel like a threat to your own well being.

For me the hardest one was the 4th one. That was the one that fully powered me down and completely rebooted my system. Fear of rejection 4.0 fully installed.

That was 2013. By 2016 I thought I was in "recovery" - viruses wiped clean - newly married, novel friendships, in education programs, working full time - but no.

No, no - I had merely rebooted into safe mode.

I wasn't even remotely running at full capacity. 95% of my programs were inaccessible.

I was quiet, timid, serious, and exceedingly sensitive. I was so detached, felt so unsafe to feel my emotions, that they were completely inaccessible to me.

I didn't spend every waking minute ruminating on self hatred, i was too stubborn for that - but I didn't really feel like myself.

But by 2020 after over 5 years of mute button life, I was fantasizing about leaving the country without notifying anyone but my top 3 people because my self concept and identity felt so misaligned that I couldn't possibly see a way out other than to completely 'restore' my system.

And that was purely because buying new "hardware" with new "software" was out of the realm of possibility.

I didn't like anything about myself. I could barely see what others might like about me and I could barely function in my physical life.

I was completely reliant on my husband for every shred of human miscellany - finances, food, shelter, entertainment. It must have been so weird to be him in that moment - married to a shell.

Fortunately, by the end of 2019 I had started to seek answers within myself - spurred by none other than another rejection from someone close to me.

She told me that essentially my experience of our relationship was sharply in contrast to how her experience was - and how impossible it felt at that moment to continue to be in each others lives.

From then on I've been swimming against the current of a metaphorical, subconscious drain. I think of this drain as my experiences with independence.

The more I wanted to and tried to rely on others - especially for my self worth - the more I hated myself.

The more I dug into my mindset, books I read, and journals I prompted - the more I realized that I didn't need to change my personality, what I thought, or where I went.

But I did have to change my expectations of others, and stop attaching my self worth in them.

The only person you get to play in the rpg called life is yourself - and as far as you can tell EVERY OTHER PERSON is an NPC.

If you're ambitious and driven and you don't like quitting at the beginning, people will start to see your very existence, opinions/thoughts and goals as a threat to how they choose to live their lives.

When people decide that they "don't like" you - it feels like rejection (because we mistakenly think "surely this is one of my people!" so regularly) - but often times what they have actually decided is

1. I don't believe in myself enough to go where you say you're going or

2. I don't want to put in the work required to go where you're going

Not every time, but a lot of the time.

If you're ambitious and driven and you don't like quitting at the beginning, people will start to see your very existence, opinions/thoughts and goals as a threat to how they choose to live their lives.

If you are talking about "seeing the world" and people start to back away from the required actions to be deep with you

It's because they expected you to stay small with them.

I'm currently in the place where I know I'm moving on soon - and I don't care if anyone else joins me.

Because now I trust myself and I choose to trust Jeremy. If he were to check out and choose options one or two, I would grieve.

But I'd survive, and then eventually thrive - which I have never truly had the faith of before this year - fuck, even just this summer.

That feels new, exciting, and different.

Thank you Venus Rx in Leo 8th house.

We are 2 days from the official Venus Cazimi. This is a time period for understanding "the point" of this Venus RX cycle.

After this point until early September we will be integrating this new found clarity surrounding our values, financial efforts and goals, relationship standards and priorities, and more.

For you this could be taking place in any of the 4 categories of houses - self expression, career, socially, or emotionally.

This could be a major turning point, or just a slight bend in the road. It all depends on the intricacies of your own unique birth chart.

I have options for all budgets. so we can integrate these cruel-cruel-summer-venusian-vibes into your being further, faster and with more ease than you've experienced over the last decade.

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