Why Do People Misunderstand Me? Using Astrology to Feel Seen and Validated
Why Do People Misunderstand Me? - What’s Really Going On?
Some people love you, and some love to hate you. Why?
Do you ever feel like no one truly sees the real you? Maybe people misunderstand you, or you’re not even sure who you’re supposed to be. Sometimes it feels like the way you present yourself to the world and the way you feel inside don’t match up, leaving you feeling unseen, unheard, or even invisible.
This post explores how the Rising Sign, Sun Sign, and Mercury Sign—the key players in your astrology persona—can help you bridge the gap between how you see yourself and how others experience you.
Common Feelings You Might Have
Frustration: “Why do people always misjudge me? I feel like I’m trying so hard, but people don’t get me.”
Confusion: "The way I act doesn’t always feel like the real me.”
Self-Doubt: "Maybe I need to change who I am to fit in better."
Desire for Clarity: “Who am I? I just want to understand myself. Why do I come across the way I do?”
Your Rising Sign, Sun Sign, and Mercury Sign are like the three main characters in the story of you. Together, they reveal not only how you present yourself to the world but also how you express your thoughts, communicate your ideas, and connect with others. Understanding how these signs interact is key to uncovering your unique astrological persona—the way you show up and engage with others.
In this post, we’ll explore how your Rising Sign, Sun Sign, and Mercury Sign shape your outward identity, helping you gain insight into how others perceive you and how you can better align with your true self.
Why Read This Post?
By reading this post, you’ll:
Discover the Role of Your Big Three so you can understand how your Rising, Sun, and Mercury Signs work together to shape your outward persona, inner self, and communication style.
Gain Insight Into First Impressions so you can learn how your Rising Sign influences the way others see you and why it sometimes differs from how you see yourself.
Understand the Impact of Mercury so you can explore how your Mercury Sign affects your thought processes, communication style, and how others perceive your ideas.
Connect Your Big Three so you can see how the interaction between these signs can create harmony—or tension—in your astrological persona, giving you clarity on mixed signals.
Apply Astrological Insights to Real Life so you can use reflection prompts and practical tips to better align how you express yourself with who you truly are.
The New Big 3 in Astrology: Sun, Mercury, and Rising Sign
What does "persona" mean? It’s the aspect of In astrology, 'the big three' (Sun, Moon, and Rising) are core to your personality, but your Moon sign—your emotional self—isn’t always visible to others. It takes time and trust to reveal it, meaning acquaintances and even long-term coworkers may never truly see this side of you. That's why I don't consider it "part of your persona".
Astrology helps us understand that people perceive us through their own lens—and sometimes, that lens distorts who we really are.
When others experience your persona for the first time, it can go a few ways:
They recognize you as you see yourself.
They misinterpret parts of your personality.
They overlook qualities you consider core to who you are.
Refresher - Astrological Key Players in Your Chart
Before we get into the meat and potatoes of why this happens, let's have a quick refresher on what the personal placements represent.
Rising Sign (Ascendant): Your outward persona and the first impression you make on others. It’s the “outfit" of your personality that you wear and how you approach the world.
Sun Sign: Your core identity and sense of self. It represents your ego, vitality (life force energy), and what drives your personal growth.
Moon Sign: Your emotional landscape and inner world. It reflects your feelings, instincts, and what you need to feel secure and nurtured.
Mercury Sign: Your communication style and thought processes. It shows how you express ideas, absorb information, and connect with others intellectually.
Mars Sign: Your drive, energy, and approach to taking action. It represents how you assert yourself, pursue goals, and handle conflict or challenges.
A Common Culprit: Sun and Mercury Miscommunication
One of the most common causes of a disjointed persona is an inability for your Sun and Mercury signs to communicate effectively. This happens when Mercury is one sign ahead or behind the Sun, creating what astrologers call a semi-sextile by sign.
Why Semi-Sextiles Cause Inner Conflict:
Different Goals: Signs next to each other (like Aries and Taurus, or Libra and Scorpio) have nothing in common—they lack the same element, modality, or polarity and don’t share the same strategies or priorities to accomplish their goals.
Conflicting Energies: If your Mercury and Sun are in signs that don’t naturally blend, you might struggle to align your thoughts and actions. Fire and air are more direct and action-driven, while earth and water tend to be more receptive and cautious. This can make social interactions feel misaligned.
The Confusing Rising Sign: Not a Mask, but a Personality's Outfit
Your Rising Sign isn’t a fake version of you—it’s a real part of your personality that influences how you instinctively interact with the world. However, because it shapes first impressions, people may build expectations around it that don’t always match your deeper self.
It’s also a version of you that people get attached to, come to build expectations around, and influences your motivation. Likely, it describes how you wish you were—and if your Sun, Mercury, and Rising Sign are all expressing in conflicting ways, you'll be met with conflict, confusion, frustration, and irritation in personal relationships.
When Your Rising Sign Creates Conflict in Your Persona
Your Rising Sign (Ascendant) represents how others initially perceive you, which can create conflicts when it doesn’t align with your Sun sign’s true identity. Unlike Mercury (which influences how you communicate), the Rising Sign is how you instinctively behave in new situations—sometimes in ways that don’t match your deeper self.
Why the Rising Sign Might Create Inner Conflict:
Sun vs. Rising Sign Mismatch → If your Rising Sign and Sun are completely different in element or energy, people may misinterpret you based on how you present yourself.
Example: A Capricorn Sun (serious, goal-oriented) with a Gemini Rising (playful, talkative) might feel like people never take them seriously.
Incompatible Energy with Mercury: If your Rising Sign and Mercury sign don’t complement each other, you might struggle to communicate in a way that feels authentic to how you’re perceived.
Example: A Virgo Mercury (precise and analytical) with a Sagittarius Rising (bold and spontaneous) might lead to projecting confidence outwardly while overthinking internally.
Performing vs. Authenticity → The Rising Sign is how you show up in the world, but if it doesn’t match your inner self, you might feel exhausted trying to uphold an image that isn’t fully you.
Example: An Aries Rising instinctively rushes into new situations, while their Cancer Sun prefers emotional safety first—creating an inner tug-of-war.
Organization is Key - How the Planets Express Themselves is How You Express Yourself
Due to the organization of the solar system, Mercury can never be more than 1 sign away from the Sun. This proximity means if you have a Cancer Sun the only possible options for your Mercury sign are Gemini, Cancer, or Leo. Equally, due to the organization of the zodiac, signs that are next to each other will have nothing in common (element, polarity, or mode).
When planets have different elements (fire, earth, air, water) they have different strategies. The strategy of a fire sign is to express itself typically with passion, fire, and actively. The strategy of a water sign is to express itself typically emotionally, intuitively, and passively.
When planets have different modes (cardinal, fixed, or mutable) they have different priorities. The priority of a cardinal sign is to initiate, of a fixed sign to maintain, and a mutable sign to adapt.
Lets take an example of a Aries Mercury - this is a communicator (Mercury) that is firey, bold, and confident (fire), and willing to lead or start new things (cardinal).
Blending The New Astrological Big 3
Example 1: Diverse Signs
Rising Sign: Capricorn
A serious, grounded first impression, often appearing ambitious and composed.
Sun Sign: Gemini
At their core, they’re curious, adaptable, and enjoy connecting with others through conversation and learning.
Mercury Sign: Cancer
They communicate with emotional sensitivity, often tying their ideas to personal experiences or nurturing others through their words.
This person’s personality is a mix of contrasting traits, requiring balance to express authentically. They may seem serious or reserved at first, only to reveal an intuitive, nurturing side in conversation. As others get to know them deeper, they might be surprised again by their curiosity and lighthearted nature. None of these traits are fake—they’re all genuine parts of who they are.
Example 2: Complementary Elements
Rising Sign: Pisces
A dreamy, empathetic first impression, often exuding a calm, creative aura.
Sun Sign: Scorpio
At their core, they’re intense, determined, and deeply introspective, with a knack for uncovering hidden truths.
Mercury Sign: Sagittarius
Their communication style is bold and philosophical, expansive, confident with bold, optimistic ideas.
This person’s persona may seem varied, but their Sun and Rising signs share a complementary water element, making them intuitive, empathetic, and creative. While their fiery communication style contrasts with their water-based core, Scorpio’s intensity blends well with fire due to its Mars rulership. Others may be surprised by their deep, analytical nature, and they might wonder why they become so intensely focused at times despite generally feeling adaptable and laid-back.
Example 3: All the Same Sign
Rising Sign: Leo
They radiate confidence and charisma from the moment they walk into a room.
Sun Sign: Leo
At their core, they’re proud, expressive, and driven by a need to create and be recognized.
Mercury Sign: Leo
Their communication style is dramatic, enthusiastic, and commanding.
When all three persona planets are in the same sign, their personality feels more cohesive. They express themselves in alignment with their core identity, creating a strong sense of self. Even if they aren’t a Leo, they’re likely confident in who they are, and others perceive them that way too. While this doesn’t eliminate communication challenges, they’re more likely to feel accurately represented—what others see is what they get.
Bringing Your Big Three to Life - How to Work with Personality Conflicts in Astrology
Understanding your Rising Sign, Sun Sign, and Mercury Sign is more than just an intellectual exercise—it’s a tool for navigating how you show up in the world, how others perceive you, and how you connect with those around you.
To make the most of these insights, here are some ways to take action:
Reflect on Your Persona:
Think about how your Rising Sign influences first impressions. Does it align with how you see yourself?
Consider how your Sun Sign drives your sense of identity and purpose. How can you better honor that energy?
Notice how your Mercury Sign shapes your communication style. Are there ways you can adapt or lean into this for clearer connections?
Observe in Real-Time:
Over the next week, pay attention to how people react to you in social or professional situations. Can you spot the influence of your Rising Sign or Mercury Sign in these interactions?
Journal Your Insights:
Use prompts like:
What part of my persona do I think people misunderstand the most?
How does my Mercury Sign help or hinder my communication in important relationships?
What qualities in my Sun Sign can I express more confidently in my daily life?
How would my life change if I leaned fully into that version of myself?
Psst: Want more journal prompts from me? Check out this post.
Apply What You Learn:
Use this knowledge as a guide for self-expression and growth. For example:
If your Rising Sign makes you seem more reserved than you feel, try balancing that by letting your Sun or Mercury energy shine through more intentionally in conversations.
If your Mercury Sign feels at odds with your Rising or Sun Sign, experiment with adapting your communication style to different contexts.
By exploring the interplay of your Big Three, you’ll uncover new ways to align your inner self with how you’re perceived, fostering deeper connections and authentic self-expression.
Sometimes I literally tell people - I seem reserved and shy now, but once I get to know you I'm like a bullhorn. ;) That way - if they're surprised when I get more comfortable, I know did my part.
Every version of you is valid, but some will feel more like you than others.
Take the Next Step: Work With Me
This post gave you a glimpse into the intricate dynamics of Sun, Mercury, and Rising Signs, but there’s so much more beneath the surface.
This work is perfect for you if:
You’re feeling stuck, blocked, or like you’re constantly swimming upstream in your life.
You’re ready to align with your purpose in areas like relationships, work-life balance, emotional health, and personal fulfillment.
You want actionable tools to analyze your chart, identify your genius zones, and use that knowledge to create an aligned, ease-filled life.
Your chart reveals how you communicate, express yourself, and why others may perceive you differently than you intend.
New to astrology? My Natal Chart Tour gives you a beginner-friendly breakdown of your chart, helping you understand how your placements shape your self-expression.
Want to align with your chart’s natural strengths? My 5-Day Mini Course: Setting Aligned Goals That Work for You helps you use astrology to gain clarity on your path—so you can move forward with confidence, even when others don’t fully understand you.
Need deeper insight? A one-on-one astrology consultation can help you explore your chart’s communication style, relationship dynamics, and the patterns that influence how others see you.
You don’t need to be understood by everyone—you just need to fully understand yourself.
Book your consultation today!
P.S. Why do some people love you while others love to hate you? They’re interacting with you from their own energetic vantage point. Your Mercury says it, your Rising shows it, your Sun decides if it’s worth it—and so does theirs.
P.P.S. If feeling misunderstood is making you question your worth, it’s time to reclaim your confidence. Check out my post, How to Stop Caring What Others Think and Build Confidence in Yourself, for practical steps to embrace your true self and let go of external validation.
Key Takeaways:
Your Persona Is Multi-Faceted: Your Rising Sign represents your outward persona, your Sun Sign reflects your core self, and your Mercury Sign shapes your communication style. Together, they form the foundation of how you show up in the world.
Mercury Adds Depth to Your Persona: Mercury’s close relationship to the Sun creates subtle nuances in how your thoughts and words align with your inner self, influencing how others perceive you.
Elemental Differences Matter: When your Sun and Mercury are in different elements, their priorities may clash, creating a dynamic tension between how you feel and how you communicate.
First Impressions Aren’t Always Accurate: Your Rising Sign shapes how others see you initially, but your Sun and Mercury add layers of complexity that may take time to reveal.
Astrology Is a Tool for Growth: By reflecting on your Big Three, you can improve self-awareness, communication, and how you navigate relationships, aligning your persona more closely with your true self.
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